felt a lot this whole week.
i realised i'm not girlfriend material.i'm commitment-phobic,i'm lousy at being someone's closest friend.and in because of that,i'm not cut out to be settled down with someone,because i'll just start being jumpy and completely weird around people.it's just the way my mind works.it's scary because i'm afraid i won't have anybody to be with for the rest of my life,i'm worried that i won't have the chance to experience love.but i think further and i realise that it isn't this way because i do have God's love,and He will put someone in my life,because God is a family man.and i have to trust in Him because He does have a plan for me and my life.
another thing is that.i don't like it when people get close for reasons that are somewhat unknown to me.steph once told me, 'how can a guy tell you that he loves you after he knows you like for two days?!' and i finally realised how true it is.i don't understand why guys can declare how much they love you when they haven't seen the real you.the way you look when you're crying, the ugly side of your character,the way you look when you wake up,the awkward moments you have in your life.and i don't like it when people start becoming clingy.and i hate myself for feeling this way about people who love me.sigh.
mixed and confused.sometimes i wish there was a manual to tell me what i have to do.or maybe just a robot without feelings.eat study sleep laugh repeat.
playing;atomic kitten:if you come to me.
